Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
