Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
