my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
