Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
