I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
My vagina is very pro this idea
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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