I am puke
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
