he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
