the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
