Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Randomize
