In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
