It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
