Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
