At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
