if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
