it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
