pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
