And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
