I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize