How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
