If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
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