3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
