Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i came on her dog
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
