just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
is wine microwaveable?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
