I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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