literally had 100 drinks last night.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
