It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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