My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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