Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
