Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
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