I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
