got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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