bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
