y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
