The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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