were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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