Im at strip club and am horny
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
