He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
