So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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