I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
