Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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