Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
