i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
