my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
