I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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