Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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