Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
