She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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