Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
