if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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