I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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