Taylor Swift is so right about you.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
